I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
