If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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