Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
