her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
