That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
