Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
