Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My vagina is officially offended.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
