Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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