Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize