we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
