I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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