is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
