Whod you bang
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
