the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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