I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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