She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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