May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
