do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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