she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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