Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
