Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
