If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
