DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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