Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
