No stitches, just platelets and will power
you win again, gameday.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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