You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again