So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
