i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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