if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
farters have to be the big spoon...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
