I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
