Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
