yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
