I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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