It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
