he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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