We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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