She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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