Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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