Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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