Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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