i think my tv is drunk
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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