i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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