I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
