i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
