don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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