wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i believe in u and ur pee
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
