i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
