I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
