I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
