you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
