totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
