I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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