i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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